Simple Bliss

Despite being so awkwardly shy and introverted by nature, I happen to be a pretty chatty gal. Talk, talk, talk I always seem to have something to say whether something needs to be said or not.

Took getting two wisdom teeth pulled and my jaw swollen shut for me to realize how emotionally draining all of that chatter is. Although it sort of feels like a man with smelly gloves took a drill to my mouth and then sewed it back together (oh, wait...), I am so, unbelievably relaxed. (The pain pills deserve a little bit of credit for that as well.)

It required a little effort but by the time the novocaine wore off and I could feel my tongue again I had found some non-verbal ways to communicate effectively with my family. By not talking I am a better listener. Through silence, I can say so much more.

Plus, my child thinks it's hilarious that I am reminding her to use her manners in sign language. She has taken to not saying "please" for kicks...

So as I sit here in my kitchen, listening to Bean boss her toys around, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Today I am thankful for the underrated joy of saying nothing.

Humility, Virtue and Sincerity walk into a bar...

When I first began blogging I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do with it. I love writing…it makes me feel as close to free or calm or me or whatever as I think I’ll ever feel but it’s been a rocky, winding road since I let the ink dry on my first poem nearly ten years ago and somewhere along the way sincerity must have fallen out of my backpack. In fact, I believe it’s lying very near Humility and Virtue but those two can roam as they please. I have long since accepted my ridiculous ego and let’s face it, purity has never been a strong suit of mine but I sure would like to get back to Sincerity again.

Although I wasn't always aware of my strengths at the time, I have a motherly adoration for the young woman I once was. Looking back on old journals I can see that I rarely let my tendency to appease cloud my judgment and I generally didn't let fear of external judgment interfere with me being true to who I was.

I don't believe we ever really lose ourselves but I think it's possible and far too easy to oppress our minds until we all but forget who in the hell we are. So while my motivation for blogging may have been to exercise my creativity and maybe share a more intimate side of me (less so than in a journal but more than say, on Facebook) with a few deserving and like-minded people, I think that my truest intention is to figure out how to be that girl again.

Of course, I needed to grow and I am not denying the importance of evolving when life blesses us with responsibility but I think there is a delicate line between a natural maturation and a forced one and those of us who continuously try to grow up too quickly often have to backtrack and fill in some of the places we overlooked…if we ever expect to really get anywhere useful, that is.

And that’s kind of where I am at now.

So please bear with me, I am still getting the gist of this blogging thing. In the near future I plan to make my blog space a little homier- add a few good details and maybe a few pictures here and there- and write more consistently. Maybe I’ll even get a theme going, although don’t be surprised if the theme ends up being sporadic, slightly exaggerated anecdotes…that’s sort of my thing.